The holidays are such a joyful time of year. Children have visions of sugar plumbs dancing in their head with hope that Santa will soon be here. But what if there are no children. What if you have made it to yet another Christmas with out the baby you desperately wished for last Christmas and the Christmas before that?
Holidays can bring the emotions of emptiness harder than any other time of the year. The longing to hear little foot steps Christmas morning. The desire to share Christmas traditions with the next generation. And, the many reminders that another year has passed without success.
Just like depression can hit so many at this time of year; couples experiencing infertility or the adoption wait feel it too. It may not be visible and you may even suspect they like the no kid life, truth is, you just don't know!
SO, be kind because family gatherings can be so hard for those struggling to keep it together. Visiting cousins you haven't seen all year who just had their fourth kid. Great grandma saying, when I was your age I already had three kids, or Aunt Betty saying, you better get busy having babies or you will be to old! We hear the whispers behind our back, "shhh, don't ask Sally about kids.... they are trying and can't...so sad!"
Sometimes you just want to scream...THANK YOU ALL FOR THE UNNESSESARY, IGNORANT, INSENSATIVE REMINDERS THAT WE CAN'T GET PREGNANT AND I'M A FAILURE!
To much? oh...maybe it was just me, but I doubt it! If you read that and have felt the sting of the season, be strong my warrior! You are not alone. Take a deep breath and think, these people love me and want the best for me. These people probably have NO idea what we are going through, are just uneducated about the subject, or are just rude. It's ok to share your burden, not for pity but for understanding. Unless they are just rude...no explanation is needed!
If you are reading this and have made those unnecessary ignorant insensitive comments please think before you speak them again! Please give a hug and how's life before you start diving straight into someone's sex life! If we share the truth with you, instead of a nice candy coated lie we usually say, please don't look at us with pity! Please don't give us advice on how to get pregnant! Please don't tell us a story about a friend's friend who...! Please just give us a hug and if you must say something here are some suggestions...
"This must have been a tough year for you."
"I admire your strength."
"Thank you for trusting me with that."
"I love you."
"There's a ministry I know called Rush to Hope, you might enjoy connecting with that!"
Be strong this season. Show empathy not sympathy. Find happy moments. Make someone's day. Love one another!